Thanks for the insight. The more I hear about people's experiences with this condition the more I'm convinced it's what she's suffering from.

A few days ago she seemed to be turning a corner. She started reaching out to people again, having a long talk with her brother, actually calling her mother to wish her happy Thanksgiving (even though she ditched on the family gathering), and she said that she'd be amenable to them visiting her at school sometime. That was a big turnaround.

Throughout all that though, she still wanted nothing to do with me. That had me wondering a whole lot of things, among them that her desire to disolve our marriage was due to something other than a manic episode.

Two days ago I called her. It was supposed to be strictly business: she'd received a bill here, but had for all intents and purposes moved out. The call was supposed to be quick and was solely to inform her that she needed to make alternate arrangements for her mail, since I would no longer be paying her bills. Instead, it ballooned into a 2 hour call that almost immediately shifted from business to "why is this happening," and "whay don't you want to save this."

In that call I found she'd dropped to 95 pounds (a month ago she was 110, which is where she's been most her adult life), and was already considering seeking professional help. She knew about bipolar disorder, and it had come up in prior therapy sessions, when she used to get them, but it was always discounted because, according to her, her therapists never thought she acted with enough hyperactivity to qualify as manic. She said that she'd mention it when she went in for her med check appointment with her psychiatrist. The problem with that, however, is that her psychiatrist is heavily stilted against any kind of therapy and prefers 10 minute appointments that basically consist of "you like your meds? Want more? Great. Here's the RX. Next!" I've urged her for a long time to see someone else. The only other place she'd consider going was the health office on campus, also a dud. First of all, a university health office isn't the place you go to for continued theraputic care. Second, how accomplished could the staff really be in cases like this? And third, she sought an appointment there in her first year of school, right around the middle of her first semester. The were able to fit her in during finals week in the second semester. Obviously, this place can't help, but for the time being, these are the only two places she'll consider.

In the course of our conversation she told me that she misses me horribly and the only way she can get to sleep is either through the use of alcohol (used infrequently), or by crying herself to exhaustion (far more common). Yet just a week earlier she'd told me that she barely misses me at all.

Through it all, however, she was still adamant about how she no longer loved me, and that though she wasn't sure if a divorce was really what she wanted anymore, she was sure at the time. According to her, telling me she wanted to leave was the hardest thing she's ever had to do. She didn't want to call it off, try to work on it, have those efforts fail, and then have to tell me a second time. She'd rather just stick to her guns and walk away now.

By the end of the conversation, however, she was saying again and again how confused and scared she was, and eventually hung up abruptly after claiming to be in too much of an emotional mess to continue. She told me she'd get herself more rational and call me back the next day.

I expected that conversation to be quick and brutal. Given time to rebuild her emotional fortifications, I figured she'd regird, then call and say she was just lonely the other night and she wants out. Bye.

Instead, when she called back she said that she was a different person than she was before, as was I, and because of that it makes no sense to try to recover what we used to have, since that was something between two people who don't exist anymore. Instead, she wanted to just talk about anything except the state of our marriage and what we might eventually do. She wanted to see if we could converse pleasantly and if there was any spark between us now.

It was a solid in, so I took it, and we proceeded to wander the fields of conversation for the next hour and a half, talking about everything under the sun except the massive white elephant that filled the room. Still, it was nice to talk to her again, and it wasn't the strained or terse exchanges we've had over the past month. At the end, she said it was really nice to hear my voice again, that she liked talking with me quite a bit, and that she'd call me tomorrow.

It's no reconciliation, but it's a good first step. I'm not sure if this means she's coming down out of a manic episode or something else, but she didn't sound agitated or overly energetic when I spoke with her (as she had when she spoke with her siblings in weeks prior), so it's a possibility. She's still not going to seek help for herself, nor is she going to come to couple's counciling with me; she hasn't decided she wants to remain married. But it's a start.

I'm just hoping she doesn't flip back before we can reforge a better bond. For the time being I'm carefully measuring everything I say to ensure there's not a whit of criticism in any of it. I figure I used to be the one she'd always come to for comfort, and if I can be unflaggingly supportive, maybe she will do so again, which promises future communication.

Anyone out there have any other suggestions on what to say/not say?