A comment on change. I'm not so sure change is ultimately possible. It is rather about challenging behaviors and mindsets. This takes skill - which is what a good therapist ought to be instilling.

One needs to want to challenge what isn't working for success and improvement. "Change" won't happen on its own. I it is hard. It is easier to dig in your heels and put up road blocks - which is what you are clearly doing as demonstrated by the above post.

Try to look past the frustrating negatives. What solutions do you observe? They will present themselves. We need to be looking though to see them.

I recommend therapy. Find one one one that has a set program of therapy., one with a clear purpose and trajectory. Something like CBT. This has clear objectives with measurable results.