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Old Apr 02, 2017, 09:29 AM
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dj315 dj315 is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by anais_anais View Post
I have a T as well who is exactly my father's age...

It was hard. It still is. I wouldn't have seen him by choice but was referred by my first T (female) who wanted me to see him because his modality is informed by bodywork, and my condition often manifests as debilitating pain.

It took over a year to really trust him. Sometimes it got ugly, I would panic and cry and scream and dissociate with him calmly reminding he was not my father. We did a lot of boundary exercises where he would stand closer or further away from me and I would describe how the different distances made me feel. For a while he just sat very far away from me, he would let me set up the chairs how I wanted.

Another thing we did was summon the part of my T (and the part of me) where the father was present, assign it to an object in the room, and yell at it and tell it to get out. After that I would hide it in a closet, put it outside, in the bathroom, whatever. He has a home practice and I sometimes wonder what his neighbors think.

In the end what helped me the most was that he repeatedly told me that he didn't want anything from me, and that I don't owe him anything. My parents were manipulative to the extreme so I always suspect an ulterior motive.
I like the boundary exercises! The first thing that freaked me out about the EMDR was that there was a chance he would be physically closer until he told me he had a light bar for his clients to use instead of following his hand. We usually have a coffee table (and then some) of space between us.

It took me a long time to trust him too. I freak out more inwardly though so I always have to bring it up when it's really bad. It took a loooong time of him saying over and over again that it's okay and I can move at my own pace and he's not going to judge me for being so cautious (father dearest always criticized my shy tendencies) for me to even begin to believe it.

Parents can really do a number on us, huh?
Thanks for this!
anais_anais, Out There