It's horses for courses Franco, you assume your children are the way they are because of the divorce.

I promise you children pick up on what is going on at home. It wasnt the divorce that damaged them.
It was the hideous behaviour they witnessed.
If you think kids don't know when their parents are up to something.
You Think they couldn't feel your misery for those 4years.
A misery they didn't understand, and couldn't talk a out cos everyone pretended it was ok.

My parents stuck it out for decades.
What good it did me and my sibling?
I am a drug addict, in My 24th year of addiction.
My brothers relationship with women is so fkt up he will be on the sex offenders register for the rest of his life, he is a habitual rapist.
He can't have a normal sexual relationship with his partners. This is Directly as a result of the terrible relationship my parents had.
We actually begged to be put into care, but because daddy was rich and mummy was medicated, we had to stay home.
(This in no way has ANY reflection on the OP's family it's a different thing .)
In contrast I have four kids, who live with me, who are raised only by me after their dad took off.
All are excelling at school, my eldest is in uni.
Two are on music scholarships.
And my youngest who has autism, is also on his way to a music scholarships. Fingers crossed.

The damage is done before the divorce in 9 cases out of 10

And nearly always because parents think they can fool their kids.
I have always been honest with my kids as much as I can be. From my drug use to their father leaving.
Like all kids they have stuff come up and my oldest son definitely has more anxiety than he should.
Compared to the damage that would have been had I stayed with their father.

Franco you say you recognise the kids from divorced families, I can spot a person raised in a miserable family home at 150 paces.

I have read your post,what you experienced was horrific, but don't kid yourself that if your wife was still home things would be fine.

As with all things, it comes down to how you handle it.
If you fall apart, so will your kids.

For the record, I totally believe in marriage, but I also believe not every relationship is meant to last forever. It just isn't conducive to the human condition.
We grow and change too much over our lifetimes to expect one person to grow and change with you and match your needs and wants isn't practical.
Marriage was formed when the human life expectancy was 30-35 years.
Sure some of us have grand parents who made it.
And I know 1 or 2 people who have made it to 20 years.
Those are all people with healthy social lives, who have a lot going on as individuals, that they then bring back to the relationship.
If the marriage is all you have, the strain becomes too much to bear, and what else do you talk about.
Where are the dreams, the fresh ideas.
What stops it going stale.

Eugh, sorry Patagonia, I went totally off topic there.
My up most apologies.
And to everyone else. Sometimes I just go off on one.
My apologies.

Do take care and enjoy your Sunday.