I guess I just never ran my decisions by my therapist now that I think about it. My therapy was more about my reactions to what was going on in my present (decisions already made) and how that tied to by history. I was never one to run my future decision-making by my therapists.

There were definitely times when my T and I had a disconnect, when he really wasn't getting something I was trying to communicate. But I guess I just persisted in finding ways to help him understand (and he usually eventually did). I wasn't really disappointed or hurt by his lack of understanding at times; I just took it as an indicator that we were coming from very different perspectives and personalities about certain things and that it would just take more discussion to finally reach that connection of understanding about those particular things.

I struggle a LOT with that , but it's a little more like inappropriate responses than approval. It's caused ruptures twice and we've had to work on it I can understand your feelings around that - it is scary. I doubt somehow my T always approves of my decisions , but we have to do what's best for us. And it seems your decisions were right ? Wish you well with this.

I think Ts need to be careful with expressing approval/disapproval, especially around things that we are not directly working on in therapy.
I mean it would be unrealistic for T to have no opinion on any topic - they're human so of course they do. But I think that they, and we, have to be aware that each person takes responsibility and lives their own life.
T is there to help, support, maybe to guide, but not to make decisions for us.

I think that it's not uncommon. I hope you can talk to her about it.

I think it's normal to desire approval from your T. I think of it like this - if my T, who knows most of my worst secrets and things I'm deeply ashamed of, can still accept and approve of me, then that means I must not be a terrible person after all. So I can understand feeling hurt when your T expresses disapproval and seems to be failing to empathize with you on a particular issue. I've been there before and it's very frustrating, I hope you can work this out by talking it through.

Hello, Inner_Firefly. My suggestion is for you to print a copy of your post for your therapist. Achieving a good result in therapy is greatly influenced by your relationship. You and she need to deal with your concerns.

Good luck.