When I'd been feeling better I wouldn't have thought about myself in these terms. But on the other hand I have never been fully "mentally healthy", in my view. I've always been kind of neurotic (I hate this term but don't know a better one now), always sort of inclined towards depression since my teens. My favourite word was "frustration" when I was about 12 and my favourite poet was thought to have had BPD. So yeah...

Later in my early 20s I've been told by my T from back then that she believes I have BPD. That was scary to hear but in the same time being "labeled" felt like a relief, I felt that I'm not just horribly bad at living life and adapting normally, or just not trying hard enough to be happy, but that there is actually something that describes my issues, that explains them somewhat, and I'm not alone.

Later I tried to disidentify from the label of mental illness, because I felt that I don't need it anymore and it felt limiting. Now, I feel I need it again.

My current therapist is not into labeling (I think, just barely started), but I feel like labeling would have some advantages. It's frustrating to be expected to be "healthy" when I feel unable to live.