I've been depressed about where I am in life, especially when it comes to my job because I thought I'd be somewhere else by now. I've been stuck in retail for several years, and though my job title is something I actually like doing, i feel like i havent been able to do the job I was hired to do. A lot of my coworkers feel that way too. But my anxiety has been showing its ugly head at work lately to the point where I just dont want to go in. In fact Im supposed to be there right now but I called off yesterday and today bc I just feel miserable but I'm also worried I might get in trouble.

On top of that, I had a big fight with my best friend on friday and Im not sure it can be salvaged. In a way I kind of felt relieved bc I've been feeling like maybe we need to take a break, our values are just not really the same. We're two completely different people and lately we've become sort of argumentative in terms of politics when we hang out (we have differences in terms of politics and religion). Because of what's going on in the world it's just become harder and harder and that seems to have come to a head this past weekend. Because of it I havent felt very happy to hang out with her bc I dont want to get into another argument. Maybe it's time to let go?

I've been trying to figure out what does and does not make me happy, and making efforts to change that. Been wanting to find a new job in a career that might be a better fit. I have a degree in graphic design so I'm starting there, the only problem is I havent updated my portfolio in so long. It's hard to sit down and focus on that. Seems there is too much going on in my life right now.

Anyway, I just wanted to open up somehow, get this off my chest. I cant really talk to my friend about it, and my parents arent the best at talking about emotions or listening. I could talk to my oldest sister but she thinks Im sick bc I told her I called out today, and I just feel like it'd be a burden.

Not sure what to do. Dreading going to work tomorrow but I cant call out for a third time. All I want to do is sleep and/or cry but thats probably not the most useful way to deal.

Anyway, that's all. Thanks for listening