Great thread. Thanks for posting this.

I agree that not all boundaries are healthy, and not all therapists use them properly. But I am confused by the first two items. Can you help me understand?

HEALTHY BOUNDARIES ARE NOT SET FOR US BY OTHERS.
My T set a boundary that he does not allow email communication between sessions. This was communicated to me in the beginning of our work and has never been a problem. I see this as a healthy boundary, even though it was set for me by another who was setting a boundary for himself. What am I missing?

HEALTHY BOUNDARIES ARE NOT HURTFUL OR HARMFUL.
Sometimes my T sets boundaries that cause me to feel emotionally hurt. By not allowing email communication between sessions, for example, I may feel uncared for. By ending sessions at exactly 50 min I may feel like nothing more than a number to him, which hurts. In this sense, these boundaries are hurtful - but I don't think they're unhealthy. Is this what you meant by hurtful?

Also, I find that different people often react in different ways to the same situation. One person may be "hurt" by something another says or does, whereas another person in the exact same situation will not be. In this sense I think it's hard to define a boundary as healthy or unhealthy by the reaction the individual will have to it. Does that make sense? I think I may be overthinking this...