Here's a good one:
12 Signs You Lack Healthy Boundaries (and Why You Need Them) - Harley Therapy? Counselling Blog
Because of my cluelessness about negotiating boundaries, I used to get entangled with sociopathic people or people who couldn't see me as a separate person, getting into these strange situations where i allowed myself to be used as an object, an extension of the other person.
It really freaks me out thinking back about this. I wasn't bullied by other kids as a child, so it always confused me how I ended up letting adults bully me in work relationships.
I always feared 'telling on them', so I tried to manage it myself, trying to appease them, thinking they leave me alone if i gave them what they want, instead of drawing a line and saying 'this is unacceptable'; if that didn't work, I could have went to my boss. Because i was trying to appease them in my fear, i wasn't assertive enough. Then they'd get worse and trample me. uggh
I realized later it relates to my brother torturing me, the fear of telling on him. I never had concrete memories, so not having that context made things 10 times harder for me.
Only years later am i realizing this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lucozader
That does make sense, I think it's a really good point. There's no objective definition of 'hurtful or harmful' so it seems impossible that a boundary will never be so. Using my previous example - I might really, really want to touch someone (my T, for example, ahem), but their boundary forbids me from doing it. I might feel hurt and harmed by not being allowed to touch them. Does that mean their boundary is unhealthy? Surely not.
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