My heart goes out to you, Eddiesmom I am so sorry and have a hard time expressing myself, but keep posting whenever it helps. We're here for you. That's a traumatic loss.

Last year, I lost my best friend (who I've been inseperable with since childhood) to Colorectal Cancer. She was diagnosed in April 2015 and died in January 2016. It was extremely difficult. I was one of the only people she even revealed that she had cancer to. At times, her father would have me come over and take care of her when he had to leave for the day. She was going through chemo, radiation, and all of that....so I've seen her through all the stages of the illness.

Therapy has helped over a period of time, although the loss still affects me everyday and things haven't been the same since. However, each day, I just try to do my best. I admit I had a manic episode that was even worse as a result of the grief issues I was struggling with. I attached to someone who wasn't right for me out of loneliness and was kind of reckless for a little while, spending tons of money, you name it. The depression that followed mania was extremely bad since I was dealing with the loss on top of it. Now, my goal is to work through feelings of loneliness without numbing myself and to avoid looking for quick fixes. Just being mindful of that goal and thinking of ways to take care of myself helps.

Grief makes it especially hard when also struggling with Bipolar, but I try looking for small signs of encouragement each day. I look for things that give me temporary moments of cheering up, whether it's something funny I find on youtube that makes me laugh, light exercises, movies, taking a bubble bath. These are only temporary ways to alleviate some of the feelings of course, but I continue trying. Be gentle with yourself. Losses really do change you, especially when it's like losing a part of yourself, but please don't give up. You have support here. This place has helped me. Feel free to Private Message me if you need. (((hugs)))