Hi Eddiesmom, I just wanted to give you some virtual ((((HUGS)))) and let you know that your grief is shared by more than you know. I lost my husband of 36 years to pancreatic cancer nine months ago, and life has never been the same, nor will it ever be. From what I hear it does get easier with time, although I certainly haven't gotten there yet and don't expect to anytime soon.

I think the thing for us both to remember is that our grief is different from our bipolar symptoms, and they don't necessarily overlap, although they can. It is possible to experience deep grief without being depressed; I know, for I've done it. You may, however, want to guard against a phenomenon known as "funeral mania", which can set in around the time of a loss and manifest itself as a typical manic episode. Funny how bipolar can go either way (or no way) when tragedy strikes. I've been very fortunate in that underneath my sadness, my mood has been relatively stable.

In the meantime, get counseling if you're not already doing so. I have a wonderful grief counselor from hospice, which is a whole lot cheaper than therapy and does just as much good. I get to have her until the 13th month after his death; after that I probably will go back to therapy. There are only so many friends to talk to about this and I don't want to burden them, especially the ones who aren't widows and thus have no idea of what I'm going through.

Please feel free to post here anytime, and PM me if you want to. I understand.