Hi all, its my first time posting here. I just wanted to get a fresh perspective on a long running family issue.

For the past 15 years in particular my mothers relationship with her only sister and some of her other siblings (family of 9 children, 2 now deceased) has completely deteriorated. There has been mental health issues in the family and she is not the only sibling to fall out with another, there seems to be all sorts of issues and I honestly don't know who is speaking to whom half the time. I am the eldest male of 5 children my mother had with my father who are both still together after 39 years despite having many problems with their marriage. My grandmother (mothers mum) is still alive.

The problem I have is my mother and father are very guarded about the issues and have never discussed openly with me or my siblings why she has fallen out with her siblings, particularly her sister. It became a taboo over the years and after her sister and brother had their own kids (my first cousins) things never improved. As a result myself and my siblings basically have no relationship with that aunt, uncle or their children, despite me personally having nothing against them as people and only having fond memories of them when we were younger. My relationship with my grandmother has also suffered as she lives close to my aunt.

The situation is particularly bothersome when a family occasion arises, such as a funeral last month, me and my siblings will inevitably bump into my aunt, uncle and their kids. I find this situation to be highly uncomfortable and do not know what to say or talk about. It is also embarrassing and a little sad that I don't know their kids, however we don't talk about this. Everyone just ignores the elephant in the room and skirts around the issue.

At my brothers wedding 4 years ago, again i found myself stressing on the day about the prospect of having to talk to people within this context and to make matters worse 1 uncle inadvertantly let it slip that I had a 22 year old first cousin that I was not aware of. She was borne out of a relationship between a deceased uncle and another woman. I was angry that I found out about that in such circumstances and did eventually bring it up with my parents.

They went on the defensive and said I was over reacting and that "they though I knew about that". My relationship with my parents has suffered after I brought that up as I also attempted to broach the subject of how there were so many taboos in the family generally. I'm at a loss now as to what to do and absolutely dread family occasions.

Any suggestions would be great. Am I overthinking the situation? Should I just play along with the charade at family events?