(((Amanda))),

The reason why you are having these nightmares is because you have not been able to find your way towards resolving the overwhelming grief you are trying to work through during the day.

The thing about trauma is that for a while/period of time the person is simply in shock and that person simply can't process ANY of the trauma. In your case, this was even more complicated in that you were badly physically hurt in that trauma yourself. The human brain will shut down, go into a coma, so the body has a chance to heal. Also, another thing the brain will do to "self protect" is dissociate which is another form of shutdown so the individual can survive until "some" of whatever happened can be processed.

It's important that even though these night terrors are so hard on you, that you acknowledge, "yes that did happen, I am safe now, I am ok now". Often what happens in these night terrors if you keep acknowledging and affirming you are safe "now" is a small part get's processed. One of the therapies that "some" trauma survivors have found helpful, that is not immediate but gradually helps the brain to process is EMDR.

The brain sorts through things while we sleep and when we are dreaming we have rapid eye movement and that is when our brain is sorting through whatever sights are present so the brain can file whatever is present away. A major trauma is always harder for the brain to slowly process. The brain has to find a way to store the trauma so that it is there to remember, but the brain is finally able to register that whatever it is is "past" and not something in the now.

The hard part about overcoming any trauma is finally learning that one can continue forward in their life and be "ok". The fact that you are younger has a negative and a positive. The negative is your lack of life experience where your brain has more to work with while trying to process, the positive is that your brain is young enough so that it can continue to grow and create new pathways to where you can continue to develop despite the difficulty you have faced with this trauma.

The fact that you are learning on a kind of savant level is because your brain is very busy learning and building information to help you gain and process better. So, your brain is trying very hard to help itself. It's frustrating when one is not at that point where they can finally come to seeing the "gain", it really takes a great deal of time and learning to have patience with self.

Your strong desire to honor your parents is ok, but you have to also work towards acceptance and giving yourself permission to move forward without them being in your life. That is most definitely a challenge and can contribute to how your brain is remembering "why" they are no longer in your life.

I did not lose my parents in trauma, but I did lose something that I loved very much and was a significant part of my life. I suffered through terrible night terrors myself so I understand how difficult that challenge is. It was very hard for me in that the graves were right in my yard, in my life everyday. I could not be near the graves, too hard. That is why my therapist felt I may struggle with complicated grief.