Please note that I'm going to be as gentle as I possibly can via this medium, as you're unable to see my body language or hear my tone of voice, and what i might type, may come across as a bit harsh.

Have you ever considered the fact that your issues are yours, and not the responsibility of others to tiptoe around?

Yes others can be aware of them, and be considerate towards them (within reason) but IMO, we shouldn't expect people to cater to our demons and change how they do things.

It's also quite easy to wear out our nearest and dearest in this manner, and if you don't have many, you may want to be conscientious of the amount of emotional responsibility you place on another.

I was and sometimes still am, quite insecure, especially in the romance arena, but my relationship was quite unhealthy in the beginning because my thought processes and expectations were much like yours in this thread. It's like I could have written it verbatim...

How we got to healthier footing?
I took ownership of my issues and didn't expect or ask my bf to behave or act a certain way to feed my inner demons.
For example, he retreats when he's super depressed, and like you, that freaked me out to no end and drove my anxiety through the roof. Once I decided that his depression wasn't about me, and as long as he gave me a notification and didn't just randomly disappear off the grid, I made it my goal to stay sane and deal with my insecurities myself. Instead of making him feel guilty for fueling them.

Now not only am I MUCH less (sometimes zero) insecure about us, but I also have a better handle on my own emotions, because I had practiced so much "Distress Tolerance"...

He said something which I thought was very mean at the time, during one of his depression / hiding episodes.

He said: "baby, the world doesn't revolve around you" lucky for me, or him, he elaborated by saying that every single feeling, decision or thought was not a direct consequence of my existence. That just because he needs some space doesn't automatically mean I am the problem. It means what he said it means, he needs some time to be alone...

So I guess in short, even though its kind of impossible to make it sweet, please consider that fact that our issues are not other people's problems. We shouldn't expect others to dance to our "sick" tunes, instead we should try to play and listen to healthier music.

I'm sorry if I'm talking in circles or repeating myself.

I'm really sleepy and really trying to be sensitive, while delivering a potentially not so nice message....