I'm a great believer in the concept of: "Be careful of the precedents you set." I noticed you said that you do "nearly all the bills, chores and appointments." I'll bet you're the one who is best at those things, and they get done better by you doing them, and it makes for a smoother running household. Maybe your husband didn't live on his own for a few years before meeting you and has some deficits in his household maintenance skill set. If so, get him up to speed to know how to do things and to, once in a while, jump in and do - to keep the acquired skills from rusting. You could get sick, or injured, tomorrow, and be incapacitated for a few weeks. Every adult needs to be competent at doing laundry, fixing some meals, sanitizing the kitchen and bathroom, shopping from a list, paying bills, etc. I happen to believe in gender-specific roles. I'm quite old-fashioned in that regard. All the same, though, life throws the unexpected at us when we least expect it. A woman needs to know how to hammer a nail and how to talk to the auto mechanic, just in case. A man needs to be able to do the things I listed, just in case. And skills need to be exercised now and then, so one doesn't forget how. Men who go into marriage never having learned to pick up after themselves remain perpetually childlike, in some regards, and that,'s not healthy. If you're in an academic program, that's much like having a job. So you being the old-fashioned housewife is stretching things thin. And, someday, there may be a child. Given your childhood experience, you may be setting the var rather low, in terms of expectations of him pitching in. Like . . . as long as he makes you feel well-loved, you'll happily do any and everything. Men get to feeling entitled to being waited on and picked up after, when that precedent has been set. Then your future son grows up with the same mindset, and you inflict a burden on some poor girl down the line. Watch the precedent. Mix it up a bit. Now and then say, "Honey, I need you to vacuum the living room today. My wrist is sore." Yes, a ruse may be needed, if you have him toyally trained to do nothing in the house." If you have, you need to reverse that. He'll also take pride in occasionally doing a chore. It may not be done as well as if you did it, but that's okay. Let him wait on you, once in a while. That's a great precedent to set. Some day, in the future, when you have a bad case of the flu, he can step up, and your bond will be stronger.