This is really hard. I'm so sorry you are struggling with this. I am too. I agree with the idea that you need to compassionate toward yourself 100%. And I want you to know you're not alone. But I also wonder if now is the time to ask this question. I mean, if you are depressed right now, maybe you should concentrate on other questions if possible. Like, how can I get through this day. I only say this because if you are severely depressed, your guilt may be unrealistically magnified. Guilt is a symptom of depression. I put off dealing with guilt until I am well enough. I'm not saying I don't try to make amends. I do. I'm saying that, for me at least, part of being compassionate is waiting until I am in a healthy enough frame of mind to look at the issues of guilt and culpability more realistically.

Just a thought.