I'm talking about this here because I'm scared of what might happen, and I could really do with some advice ASAP.

Just over a year ago, I was called to do jury service. Was too uncomfortable doing it because of the state of my mental health; I was at the time diagnosed with depression and GAD. I put off responding until too late, so didn't get my 'welcome pack' and stuff, after responding by email I turned up because I was scared I'd get arrested otherwise, but with no proper ID on me because I hadn't got the welcome pack and didn't realise I was supposed to bring it, and by the time I approached the man I was shaking so much that he asked if the letter on my bank card stood for [MY NAME] because he must have been the person I'd previously been emailing and guessed it was me because I was so clearly a nervous wreck. Anyway, long story short, to get out of jury service I had to have my own personal 'hearing' with a judge and a scribe, like a criminal, and ended up having to admit that I was scared that if I participated in jury service, it would cause me to cut myself for the first time in a long time. It was really humiliating but I managed to get my jury service deferred until December 2016. I was told that next time, if I still feel incapable of attending, to get in touch in good time and I wouldn't have to appear in court again.

So fast forward to the last few months of 2016. The OCD symptoms that I'd experienced about four years previously came back with a vengeance, in October. I think it was November that I made the dr's appointment and asked them to contact the court and let them know I was unable to attend. Apparently the court didn't receive the email - not my problem; I gave them the correct contact address.

This whole mess has forced me to be honest with the dr's about my mental health - which I guess is a good thing, really. I was referred to the Adult Mental Health Team in Wallingford and diagnosed with OCD by a psychiatrist. The last email I sent the jury officer mentioned that I was under the care of the AMHT and I could ask the psychiatrist/'team' (AKA one woman) to message him proving this if necessary. I was supposed to have a follow up appointment with the AMHT, I was planning on bringing this up then. My appointment was cancelled, I spoke to the woman on the phone when she told me it was cancelled, she asked me how I was and I lied and said I was fine because I'd just woken up and I hate talking on the phone, I generally try to avoid it. I didn't know what else to say and I expected I'd have another opportunity to talk about my problems at a rescheduled appointment. However, they discharged me, before I had a chance to ask them to speak to the court. I'm not fine, I'm not okay, everything is a mess and I'm drinking a huge amount of alcohol every night just to cope with my OCD. Only a combination of alcohol, weed, and my new medication, can get me to a point where I can live as opposed to just obsess and be at a standstill.

Please talk to me. I don't know what to do from here. I'd really appreciate some advice please.