I'm Still struggling. I keep asking the universe, God, et al why it hates me so much. WhAt did I do that was so awful??

I'm so tired and just want off this fuucking ride already.
The amount of energy it requires to keep breathing is ridiculous. I am a mess
I'm trying to be positive, but it's too hard.

My best friend has disappeared and no longer has time for me. I have tried several times to get together w her but she is always too busy. So I have stopped even trying to reach out. Am I really that awful a person that people can't stand to be around me?

I'm afraid I am going to disappear. I have nobody on my side. I am trying and I am failing miserably at life. I can't do this much longer without losing my fuucking mind for good.
Sorry for this downer check in.