I just read another article along the lines of "I was down but got support and now I'm okay. You can do this, you should fight"

I'm so sick of this. I think there is really something wrong with me. I don't want to fight. Just the thought of fighting my way back to "real life" makes me cringe.

And then that person said that he has always had some specific dreams and he was going to achieve them but lost it for a moment. Then he came back on track.

Amazing. Really. But I have never been "on track". There is no "track" for me. I've always been jumping from one thing to another and then get dissapointed or felt incompetent and out of place.

I have never had a stable sense of self. Fleeting moments of self confidence but the basis is missing.
It's no freaking track for me, there is nothing stable.A few years ago I said to myself, I'll accept mysef with my ever changing personality, beliefs and worldview. But I broke down.

Just the thought of "fighting to get better" makes me want to stay in bed forever or worse.
To get back to play roles in a society that I never felt I belong to. Thanks, I don't want to fight for that.

Sorry this was so negative