Hello.

Since I quit my meds I notice my throat is tense and itchy, and there's like a constant lump in my throat. I can't seem to get emotional anymore, except for anger and hate. I'm pretty sure there's a tonload of emotions waiting to be unleashed. I also get this itchy feeling in my belly.

10 years ago I was taught of a method of 'containing' your emotions or at least get a grip on them. This helped at the time, but right now it's on full-auto. Something inside me is blocking and preventing me from feeling what I feel. I seem to be unable to cry, when I try to I notice there's a blockade.

Even when at home I can't seem to let them go and cry for example. I'm always afraid someone will hear or see me being 'weak'. I'm 32. I strongly feel like I should be acting like a 'grown' man and not a whiny 5 year old.

I want to get rid of these unprocessed and stuck emotions but have no clue how.

I don't know what to do to let go of them and express them. Everyone's telling me to 'forget about the past' and what happened happened. I call BS. I still have lots of hate and blame and the more I keep this inside me and the more I keep it inside the stronger it becomes.

I want to have a 'clear' feeling again so badly. I try to breathe and relax but it doesn't really help.

On top of that, there's also a lot of fear and lots of negativity in my head. This is also continually automatically blocked and contributes to that itchy lump in my throat and unpleasant feeling in my belly. Because I try to stay positive, I've no clue how to deal with these negative thoughts anymore. They just keep coming back repeating the same message over and over again.

Thanks. -H