I agree that you need to be gentle with yourself. I have done a lot of things due to BP and alcohol/drug abuse of which I am not proud and can feel a lot of guilt over. I don't have a solution as to how not to feel the guilt, but can assure you that doing things to make amends is one of the best things you can do. Try to be the best husband and father that you can, and hopefully the good will outweigh the bad in the end.