Dear mossanimal and everyone on this important thread. Before I started meds and before my dx, I had terrible, terrible rages. Frequently -- I'm thinking once a week? I'd throw things across the room, or on the kitchen floor and break dishes. Not often about breaking things, but I did. I once threw the telephone across the street. Even now, I have been known to smash the telephone. So far, I have not damaged it severely, so it still works. (Both of them the land line and the cell). One time before my dx I was at my parents' house -- most of the family were there, except one of my nephews was late (as usual for him). I was going to play the piano for everyone -- the MOST difficult and MOST BEAUTIFUL music I had ever accomplished. I told those there the I wasn't going to play, until nephew got there. They made a fuss and said Go Ahead and Play. I said, that at regular piano concerts, the pianist never started to play until everyone was in the doors and seated quietly We are all classical music concert goers, so everyone knew that interruptions could throw the pianist off. So I said my situation was the same. My dad, who was a very intense, demanding and insistent person, ordered me to go ahead an play! I lay down on the kitchen floor, and cried and screamed!!!! Finally, I agreed to play even though said nephew had not arrived yet. I was thoroughly embarrassed, as well as being ashamed, manipulated, and p.o'd. But I realized -- maybe a few days later? -- that was something terribly wrong with me. But I didn't know what to do about it. I had been to pdocs and therps for years, and none of them were any good, nor helpful. I'd tried librium in high school, in the 1950s, which did nothing for me. In fact, Mother sent me to a psychologist when I was 12. Her excuse was that it was for "career counseling"! Yeah, right. Nothing about that at all, in the sessions. I had always been an outgoing, fun person, but after that counseling I became shy and withdrawn. I didn't get over that shyness until I went 1000 miles out of state to college. My first instances of "being myself again" was anger. Gradually, I got "myself back." I started meds almost 20 years ago. Since I'm an ultra-rapid cycler, sometimes they've helped and then they quit working and I have to change meds. That can be very hard. The last time I changed (twice, wit two different pdocs for reasons and situations I could not control -- they left the clinic) it was a bad nearly a year. I had rages again, and irritability. Now, I'm pretty much okay again. I keep a great mood chart, and for 18 straight days, I was totally level! Then, the day before yesterday and yesterday, too, I was extremely angry and it stuck around for several hours. Then I got okay again. The first time it was because someone was rude and accused me of something I did not do. The second time it was rage -- again! -- about some electronics not working. A common situation around here. I don't have kids or grandkids to help out with electronics, as many/most people my age do. So it's me or an expensive tech guy.. So broke my good 18 day record. Hopefully today will be another level day. I think it will be. I feel fine now. (6:30 a.m.) Oh-- and an important thing! I don't sream anymore and here's how I did that self control I made a little poster, which I put on my computer screen, that has a picture of a kitty that looks like my Blackie. At the top of the picture, I wrote in huge letters: TODAY IS A NO SCREAM DAY! Then in tiny letters under the phicture, "Blackie says" Please don't scream. It scares me when you scream." So my screaming days are over -- I love my cat so much I do not want to hurt him in any way and scaring him is hurting him.