Quote:
Originally Posted by Trippin2.0
n your own words: "Today she said something like she can't be around for a while and that she is so so very very guilty"
You are assuming you have been abandoned, she did not just drop off the grid without letting you know.
|
Yes but she said that before she decided to block me. And she blocked me, that's totally unnecessary.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trippin2.0
Yes, I am also hyper aware of how my actions affect people, but just because I'm pliable enough to bend over backwards (which is quite unhealthy might I add, because I have poor boundaries) doesn't mean that others have to to do the same. There's a difference between being mindful and being pliable.
|
I wasn't saying I would do absolutely anything in the sense that I'd let them walk all over me or something, just that as long as it's something I can do safely and reasonably, I'll do it. Also, I'd just never do anything like this, no matter how bad I feel, just pull back without at least attempting to give a clear explanation, because I wouldn't be able to live with making someone suffer when I can help it.
Also, "whining" doesn't bother me at all. I get triggered by certain things like talking about certain illnesses, but generally speaking I don't get triggered by someone else mentioning/talking about anything that is bothering them. Why? Because my own experience and the way I see things, make me always go into it with this knowledge that someone else's suffering is going to first and foremost hurt them, they are struggling the most with it and no matter how much I empathize with it(and I do), my potential sadness is going to be second hand in a sense, it's not as direct and inescapable as those issues expressed are to them. I am glad when I can empathize and listen and try to give any support and I think people deserve kindness and patience and compassion especially when they are hurting, when that makes them not fun to be around. After all, it's hard to put your suffering out for the world to see, it's hard to be open and raw about it and usually people do it when they just can't keep it inside anymore. I read this quote once somewhere, "love doesn't meet you at your best, it meets you in your mess." I think that's true because it's easy to be with someone, in any capacity, when it's all fun and games, but the real connection, that strong bond and affection, the lasting kind, is when things are tough and you stick around, when people are vulnerable and in need, that's how deep intimacy and connection form. I don't shy away from that and I know some people do but I don't. Maybe I'm hard to take sometimes, maybe I need some extra reassurance, I'm not that low maintenance, but I'm putting my money where my mouth is and I try to be the best I can in general.
People deserve kindness when they are kind themselves and if society and other people can put others down and hurt them, I think people should also be there to lift each other up and not let each other feel lonely and alone. Especially those like us, struggling with some emotional/mental issue.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trippin2.0
She did let you know what she's doing…. "Today she said something like she can't be around for a while"
The situation with my bf was a lot of trial and error, his way of doing things was dropping off the grid and not replying to anyone's texts or calls. At first I didn't even get the courtesy of a heads up like your friend provided for you. I just assumed I was dumped. I had to call his mother to find out if he was still alive. It took a lot of communicating to come to a compromise
Why does it mean nothing? That's very black and white thinking… If she considers her FB friends actual friends, and you're still on that list, that should at least provide some kind of peace of mind
|
My friend has been coming online, she's been liking Facebook posts(at least 3 cause that's what appeared on my timeline), she's liked some friends photo but I posted some pictures I took at the park yesterday and she didn't like that. She's not disappeared off the face of the Earth, she's just acting like I don't exist.
Yes, I'm still on her friends list but that doesn't mean much when I can't contact her at all. What I mean is that since I can't contact her, being on her friends list doesn't mean that much considering she could never speak to me again and I couldn't do anything about it.
I'm not bothered that she's not talking to me persay, I'm bothered and feeling abandoned by the block and the uncertain way in which she put it. First she said she won't be able to answer for a while and she's so sorry. That gave me hope but then I noticed the next message followed over an hour after, when she told me she's feeling so guilty and so sorry that she has to do this and hurt me. So I don't know if the two messages are related or if at first she thought she's just going to lay low for a while and then decided to abandon me alltogether.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trippin2.0
Now that part BLOWS, I understand how much that hurts. I don't' mean to come across as argumentative and combative by challenging this post but wether or not your friend was right or wrong, IMO I feel its worth looking at how you are perceiving things and what you may or may not be projecting…
|
I don't know, to me the fact that she clearly received my present and said absolutely nothing about it, just makes it worse and I don't know how I can explain that other than her cutting me off completely and not giving a damn anymore. I sent her a present from across the world, picked it out with love and care and she couldn't even unblock me for 5 minutes to say hey thanks, I got it, it's nice.
Maybe now she's just having fun online without me, justifying the abandonment to herself. When my mom had her surgery and I was worried sick and triggered(my dad died), fearing I'll be left alone in the world, she was all no, don't worry, it's going to be ok and you're not alone ,I'll always be here, I love and think about you. Now what should I think? She knows I'm probably hurting and she can't even take a moment to tell me she got my present, which would have calmed me down.
I always said I hope I am perceiving things wrong and jumping to conclusions but I'm finding it hard to find a positive, to find anything hopeful and she's like my sister, I don't want to never talk to her again, I don't want to not even get the chance to discuss this, to just be faced with a unilateral decision. Don't I deserve any love, imperfect as I am? What crime did I commit? Isn't it enough that I have no chance at ever having a partner because no man will look at a masculine woman like me? Isn't that punishment enough for having been born or whatever? I've never hurt anyone, I always try to do good and help and I have so much love to give...