Rage is the thing (aside from that first life-altering persistent deep depression at 20), that made me know there was something very wrong with me. It was also a vivid childhood reality (receiving end). Hello, heritability.
(I mention the 20 thing because this was not an issue for me in childhood. It's been an adulthood phenomenon, interestingly enough. It seemed to have come as a package deal. Boo.)

I do want to say that it's a bit of a confusing thing. Rage can be something else, not necessarily BP, and it's not listed among symptoms. Yet, it's something that a LOT of us struggle with. That's where mixed comes in (if it's BP and not something else of course…)

I was there yesterday for sure. And wow, can I ever relate to the "taking off alone into the city with the idea of getting lost, in trouble… or I don't know". I can't stand being in my own skin. Can't sit still. I really, really wish I had some kind of …. I don't know, punching bag or something. I hate it, but stopping? Where is that overwhelming negative energy to go?? So frustrating. Hate cleaning up the aftermath (or patching wall). (It was an all-too familiar element that they actually showed in the movie Infinitely Polar Bear. Embarrassingly accurate.)

Mossanimal, do you happen to have links to those articles? They'd be interesting to read.

I also found that they were less frequent after I went on the Lamictal. (Btw, good med points, WC.) I really think there's something to the anti-convulsants in this.

An action plan sounds like a good idea. Man, do I hate getting yelled at or otherwise lectured about it. As if I WANT it to be that way(!!!!!) Very much not the case. I HATE it. I call it Rabid Wolverine Mode, and it ain't pretty. It's embarrassing. If I could "just" stop it, believe me, one of these decades I would have….

It feels like my mood is shifting, but I don't currently have a real handle on what it's up to. Real life is sucking big time right now, and stress is out the wazoo. That very much does not help. I hope it's not going mixed, because that's a really, really bad combo (worst episode of my life was that kind of convergence, and I never want to "go there" again.) I'm in to see my new Pdoc in a week. Hopefully this is just a glitch, or they will have their work cut out for them. (Just when I thought I was getting stable…)

(Btw, awwwww, chinchillas! Lucky you!)