I know you are hurting and maybe even confused, but for your own sanity, don't get into dating till your divorce goes through, I personally feel that will complicate things more, it's all too soon in my own opinion.
If you haven't already, see if you can get some counseling with this.
This is so hard, cause I really do not know what it's like on your end, but maybe the divorce will be necessary, I mean how long can you keep up with this, marriage on and then marriage off, etc.
Not to sound cold, but you really need to think of yourself at this point, and maybe being single just might be the answer for both of you.
It sounds like this back and fourth stuff has gone on for a long time, you may have to free yourself for your own survival.
I've told this to my sister-in-law who has gone through way too much with my brother who is Bipolar-I, I've told her there has to be a point where her survival is important.
He's made things to the point that her family won't visit them cause of my brother's tantrums, he's made it known he doesn't want us to visit either.
In the past he'll ask for forgivness and claims he won't do or say the hurtful things, we'd fall for it, drive down to see him only to be verbally abused and accused of things we've never said to him.
I've forgiven him for stuff since I was a kid, and this year, during the time my grandmother was dieing, his tantrums convinced me to tell him it's in the past but I do not think I can go on forgiving him forever,the excuses get played out after and we all have our lives and wish to live the short years ahead of us in peace.
He had been on Lithium for over 35 years and did great, but last year his meds had to be switched due to a kidney problem, since then the various alternative mood stabilizers haven't been as great as the Lithium, since July I've seen some improvment while he's on Tegratol and Zyprexa, but I hate to say this, he's not the same as when he was doing so good with what was our miracle med, Lithium, which had given him normalcy for so many years.
I pray he'll eventually get back to a good place in his mind, but till then I'm cautious with heart, I need to protect myself from further hurt.
Sure I'll let things pass, but deep in my heart I will never trust my heart to him, soooooooooooo, I keep on a friendly basis but no longer bending over backwards to only be set up for being hurt.
Sorry for this long rambling, but what I guess I'm trying to say, is now consider your own well being first.
I hope some counseling can help you in future decisions.
He also needs to have an honest relationship with his pdoc, he needs to be compliant with mood stabilization, otherwise things will only worsen.
It's not uncommon that they can be cunning and try to convince their pdoc that "everything is fine", and though difficult that is where it is important for you to try to talk with his pdoc and/or therapist.
My sister-in-law finally persued getting involved like that and things are working,slowly but looks promising.
My brother was also asking her for a divorce (and if I were her I would of agreed) but after he finally comitted himself and worked through meds and stuff with the doc, he was more rational once he came home from the hospital and now both go to pdoc appts together. She even joined up with a support group.
I hope you will find peace with whatever you decide.
Take care now,
DE