Hi Kelly,

Yes I can relate to your two cycles of torment. I'll explain how mine go and you can see if it's simiar or not. Mine usually begin with a trigger that being my husband most of the time. I would become intensely angry with him, but not discuss the situation as I know it would just make it worse as before. This anger would linger for a few days where I fueled this anger with additional negative thoughts and added some that may not be true. Then for sure as always it would seem like all of a sudden it turns to numbness, which accompanys my severe depression. I have bipolar disorder and it rapid cycles frequently. However, most of the time I stay in the depressive side of it and each time it changes it comes from being hypomanic. The depression lingers on for weeks it seems and pulls me in that black hole and won't let me go. No matter what I try it it intent on keeping me hostage. I am happy to say that this last one almost ended me being hospitalized, but I give thanks to this website and forum for giving me some new tools to express my despair and got me slowly out of it. I also started journaling each day online and it does help. So I hope I have answered your questions.

My therapist once told me that depression is just anger turned inward. So true. Now when I find the anger coming on, I have to learn how to let it go and think of the consequences. I know this is very hard thing to do, but it could be lifesaving. I hope things will be better for you Kelly and nice to meet you.