Oh man I've done some horrible things out of drunkenness or dysphoria. I honestly don't have any friends left at this point. I've been bad lately because I'm drinking again to the point of blackout. And then the next morning I'm told all the terrible stuff I said and did. I feel like a monster. Like you I carry a massive amount of guilt. I just to tell myself that what's done is done and keep living and moving forward. If an apology is warranted then do so and if they don't accept it then the problem is theirs. And I'm sure we're not the first people here who carries tons of guilt. It will fade with time.