Okay that subject line is a bit crass, but it's the best description I can think of. I just got in from group a couple of hours ago. I actually pleaded the fifth at one point in tonight's session. I mean, there are just some things I can't answer! We were talking about competitiveness because one of the girls in the group had said to me that she felt like she and I were rivals. I said I don't feel that way and never had. And at some point during that exchange T asked me if I cared whether or not he liked me better than her or vice versa. Like trying to force me to feel competitive or something. Well of course I care, but hell if I'm willing to pursue that one. I mean, obviously I want him to like me better than anyone else but I know that isn't realistic, that he's close to all his clients. So what's the point in being competitive? I never viewed her as my rival. At any rate, when she first asked the question it was about me being her rival for the attention of the group as a whole (not T in particular). I said I wasn't trying to compete, so someone in the group asked why I didn't care enough to want to fight for his attention. And I'm like because I think you'll give that to me if I want it! I don't think I have to!

Do you see how this is a headf#$k? I try to figure out whether I really am competitive but am suppressing it or what. T says I distance myself. I think he's right.

Lately it makes me think.

Sidony