Sounds close to a double bind to me. Have you quit beating your wife? :-)
I find it hard to admit and feel my feelings of competition when I'm trying to be "reasonable" and logical at the same time. Sometimes some of the "bad" feelings we're not "willing to pursue" because it brings us "down" to "their" level. But if we feel that way, then we're already down there aren't we? LOL
I got extremely upset 10+ years ago because a very good friend needed a kidney transplant and the hospital sends out folders to all the people on their "list" and I got one. I love her dearly and would "die" for her but you should have seen me try to rationalize not going for testing to see if I'd be compatible, LOL. I "talk" big but then it comes time to act and I don't feel so good anymore. It's hard when we have to face what we "are" versus what we'd like to be or see ourselves as being.
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"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius
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