Dear everyone, thank you. Thank you so much for the support.

Short version of what happened after I posted this: I told my mom in an email how I felt. She read it while at work. I think she panicked a little. Later on she said she felt like she had wanted to come home. Her response was weird, and left me feeling like she still cared more about housework than me. But she also apologized, and said she cares and loves me, and she said she felt like she wasn't being clear. I was very clear that I'm not doing well, and wish more from her, but that I don't want to pressure her. She came home after work (I live with her). We talked for about 40 min. She admitted that she had not been doing what I needed to be supportive, and she said we should meet everyday for 30 min to talk. I love this idea. I felt better after talking to her. I said, how about 3x a week, because I was concerned that she might get worn out. She said how about every other day. So we will see. I do think my mom cares, but shows it in really weird ways sometimes, and I'm really glad she admitted that she felt like after talking to me, she wasn't being supportive, and that she wants to be. Ok, it's turning into the longer version, and there's more. But I'm really tired and don't feel up to posting about it. Thank you Thunder Bow and Prefab for the advice about family. Prefab, you are right that I am an adult and can do what I want. *Christmases* have been hard because my mom has them over to our house. I've been working on moving out for the past couple of years and I think I just need to work harder at it to be honest. I forget and then Christmas comes and I'm like oh ****. But since easter is not at home... Thunder Bow, that is like the best comment what you said. My family really is strange. I really don't like some of my extended family. They have hurt me so much and I think you are right about them.

I just want you all to know I have some things in place now kind of. There is a helpline that I am able to call and talk. i volunteer in their office, but I can still call there and really, don't know anyone (the helpline volunteers) there so its ok. I feel kind of weird about that, but I like volunteering there, so I'm going to continue.

I'm going to talk to my therapist tomorrow about all my concerns, about depression, trauma, that I don't always feel I connect with her, and about my concern about seeing the psychiatrist there. I think she will be receptive.