Blue- Hang in there. I don't know exactly how your pdoc can help, but I hope he can do something to give u some relief. I feel sort of in the same boat. I see my pdoc Friday, but I feel like we have exhausted all of the meds I can take. So I get that feeling of futility. But hang on- i know it doesn't feel like it will right now but the depression will lift. ((Hugs))

Me- I went to my support group tonite. Was ok. My mood is sort of all over the ****ing place. I see my T tomorrow, which I suppose is a relief but I sort of feel like I am too depressed to get anything much out of therApy right now. Idk.
I decided i needed a change of avatar. I was gonna put Charlie Brown with his mouth open yelling good grief but this one of Lucy seemed less negative.

I have a bunch of dr appts this week and next week. I'm sort of scared that something is really wrong with me. I don't get how I can have recurring sui ideation while at the same time freaking out bc I think I am gonna die from some disease!!

I see my gp tomorrow so will see bloodwork results. And I see my pdoc Friday I'm curious as to what he is gonna recommend, since I can't take a stimulant. I'm worried that this is as far as psychiatry can take me, and that I need to look for non med treatments to bridge the gap towards sanity.

I did see my best friend today. I was telling her what was going on with me and she was shocked we hadn't talked for like a month. She has a bunch of stuff going on so I suppose her neglecting to return my calls wasn't really about me. Which is reassuring I guess.

Sending out hugs to all who are struggling. I'm Still here and fighting the good fight.