Was really 'up' yesterday. Saw my pdoc at 8.30pm (I am IP) and he noticed I was elevated. He said he didn't want to hit me too hard with meds in case I crash. He instead wants me to come in for a safe landing...I like this guy.

He reduced my Ritalin (now 20mg a day) with the goal of being off it soon. It helps me study but increases the hypo, so I guess it has to go. Lithium has been increased to 2000mg a day, OMG that is high, but apparently my blood levels have only been 0.7 on 1500mg. I refused to increase Sodium Valproate due to weight gain. In fact I want off of it. On too many drugs as it is. Haven't talked to pdoc about this yet, but will soon. Abilify is 30mg a day and has crushed the psychosis thankfully,

Only major issue is the Seroquel or Chlorpromazine I am given at night to sleep (I am hardly sleeping even on the meds) is that I get SEVERE muchies and they have free cookies. I eat heaps of them. Then am hit with guilt and worry over weight gain. What do I do? Fruit doesn't cut it, I NEED sugar and fat. I drink heaps of water too but am not full.

Finally, just then I saw my pdoc in the lunchroom. We were both getting some food. He said 'Hi' and I excitedly replied, 'HELLLO!'. Think I may have overdone it but hey, I guess he can add it to his list of observations. Today I feel awesome. SO good to be so happy for almost two whole days.

I send HUGE HUGS to all who are suffering right now. There is hope. And we are all here to support you as best we can while we all deal with out own ****.