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You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible. https://www.metanoia.org/suicide/index.html
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Hello, ExplodingSun56. You have options. Volunteering is a good one. Maybe even a part-time job. Another option is seeking professional help.
What you are doing is not working. To get better you must change.
I wish you well.