I don't talk about my wretch of a mother. She had this persona she created that the whole world saw the moment she walked out of the house. People loved the woman. The few times I have spoken up the reaction is of disbelief, that I just be blowing things out of proportion, or a chastising for speaking ill of my elders. This woman walked in some pretty important circles in society. It was as though here mere presence was worshipped.

No guilt about speaking up, just an inability to do so.

As for my rapists and harassers, there is a great deal of guilt. Guilt for having not said anything immediately after it happened. Guilt that I had done something to warrant it. Guilt that I had waited too long to do anything about it. Guilt for feeling fearful. Guilt that I am somehow less of a person or sullied because of the events. This guilt makes me feel undeserving of justice - or even sympathy.