It seems that step one just never goes away. I find myself constantly needing to go back and reexamine my thoughts on how my addiction still makes my life unmanageable if I don’t keep working at my recovery. Like gettinbetter pointed out, it is my thinking that is the problem not the substances I abused. Just staying off the drugs does not change my thinking—an active recovery program changes my thinking. If my addiction goes untreated, my life becomes unmanageable.

So, what are the things in my life right now that are causing my life to be unmanageable? What is playing into my addiction and hindering me from being truly free? Right now, one thing I am working on is my self absorbed nature. As much as I hate to admit it, the world does not revolve around me. My addiction would like to keep me trapped in a little box where the only thing I can see is myself—the only thing that matters is me—my needs and my wants.

I am working hard at trying to look beyond myself and see that there are others in this world. I can’t be free and be a part of the world if I am constantly wrapped up in my own crap. So, I am opening my eyes and looking into other people’s lives. I am trying to give to others and to be there when somebody requires help or support. I am focusing on being more emotionally available to my boyfriend and friends. All my conversations do not have to be about me. A nice reward of this is that I am discovering that there are some pretty neat people in this world who have interesting lives and who are willing to share with me.