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Originally Posted by Trippin2.0
Quick (2 part) question, just to gain some clarity.
Had she not blocked you, would you have messaged her after she told you she needs some space?
If your answer is "no", what difference does being blocked then make?
My thinking behind these questions is this: If you were going to respect her boundary and not going to text her anyway, then rationally, the fact that she took the precaution to enforce the boundary shouldn't really matter. It's semantics.
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Ummm actually there is a big difference in her asking for space and then blocking me vs not blocking me. The difference is that if she hadn't blocked me then that would suggest trust and would also have clearly shown that she's simply not up for talking right now.
By blocking me, regardless of whether she comes back or not, she did 2 things : 1.didn't trust me and 2.took away all power from me, took away all input I can have or not have in this friendship, this relationship that I too am part of. It also, as a nr 3. knowingly triggered me when she could have had the same peace without unnecessarily hurting me in the process. Now, whether she did any of that without realizing it, I do not know, but it's still how it looks as long as she doesn't give me anything else to work with.
And yes, if she had just taken 5 extra minutes to simply be clear and tell me what she wants and why, not in a super extra detailed manner but a clear, mindful one still, then I would have left her alone, maybe at most just ask her how she's doing once in a while just to make sure she's ok/show her someone is thinking about her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trippin2.0
For all you know she's temporarily blocked a few people, but still scouring FB because she doesn't want to be completely out of the loop.
Again, I'm not trying to minimize or invalidate your experience, just attempting to see things from a different perspective.
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Yeah, I'm about 100% sure she hasn't blocked other people because she said it herself I'm the person she talks to most and the only person she talks about her issues with in this open manner.
I think that, if she's planning to come back, she might have blocked me at least in part because if she's feeling bad she knows she's the one who needs support and isn't that fit to offer it and that makes her guilty(she feels guilty and bad in general when she can't help people or raise to people's standards) so now I guess I was on the receiving end of the aviodance resulting from that guilt, although I told her many times that she can just be herself with me and she can't let me down, that my only expectation is to be generally treated with kindness and honesty as long as she considers me her friend.
Other than that, it's all just general avoidance cause even if mentioning my own issues now would have been triggering, she could have simply said so and I would have stopped til she told me it was ok or asked or something.
I realize I might be exaggerating when I see her activity online and my mind automatically assumes she's just free now to have fun without having to worry about talking to me, but what she did was ambiguous enough and made worse by that block, and triggered me and it was not necessary to do it. Sure, I'm anxious about abandonment, I'm insecure about it and all that and yes I could be less fearful about it in general, but at the same time, I have always ended up abandoned, it was never in my head and i've never had a friend who didn't leave or use me then leave, so it's not exactly my fault and I don't deserve to be triggered when it was totally avoidable.
I think we all know that certain fears and effects of emotional trauma never fully go away and abandonment fears will never fully go away no matter what I do and I was triggered in this instance by something not quite insignificant. Don't I deserve a little compassion too, for people to be mindful of my needs and the pain I can't help or heal past a certain point?