I know there's some element of that there...like wishing he could have been my dad when I was growing up, because then I would have had the understanding and reassurance that I needed (that I didn't feel that I got from either parent, even though they were generally caring). Of course, in reality, he would have been 12 when I was born, so probably not the greatest parent!

I've had similar reactions when he's talked about how he's dealt with his daughter's anxiety. I think some of the paternal transference started to develop when he first told a story about how he came up with this way to help her with her anxiety about school. Like he had her come up with a name for the anxiety (let's say, "Ralph"), and then when he'd drop her at school. he'd have her say "F*** you, Ralph!" before getting out of the car, and then she'd generally be OK. (Yeah, he had his daughter curse, I think maybe she was like 11 at the time?) And I had some intense separation anxiety around the same age, but instead, I'd be desperately clinging on to the car as my mom would try to drive away. So it was like, if only I'd had a parent who knew how to deal with my anxiety and helped me with it...

Then there's also the part where it's like MC understands me better than H does (partly because he has a PhD in psychology and partly because he's struggled with some stuff, like anxiety, himself), so there's part of me that also imagines him saying that stuff to our daughter...or at least not getting snippy with me if I'm trying to comfort her. (H tries, and has really seemed to be trying hard lately, but it just doesn't seem to come naturally to him). Though I know from MC's own accounts, he's certainly not always like that with his kids and has done his share of yelling at them (including till his son cried and asked if he still loved him). And I suspect he and his wife had their share of disagreements/fights as well...

So it's all sort of muddled up in my head, I guess... (In other words, probably going to end up sending him an e-mail that will be the one he *does* take a few days to respond to and I'll feel all weird and worried in the meantime...though he's generally very accepting of any sort of transference-related stuff.)

Doesn't help that T is off next week of course!