Quote:
Originally Posted by Trippin2.0
Yes you too deserve compassion and kindness, but you said it yourself, you still would have texted her even after she expressed the need to disappear for a while... Even a checking in text is a boundary breaker, and with the type of guilt complex you describe her having, check in texts would have guilted her into replying...
So yes, her notification wasn't good enough for you, you expected more detail and reassurance that it wasn't about you, but the fact remains, had she not blocked you from texting, you would have disrespected her boundary.
If she dies come back, and you do forgive her for her failed attempt at notifying you, the blocking then probably would've played a part in maintaining your friendship.
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If she asked me to not even check up on her ,I would have respected that too, I'm not unreasonable or anything and I don't go around disrespecting people's wishes so all she really had to do was tell me. Yes, ok, I know, she's in a bad place but I still deserve compassion too since I'm not the one guilty for how she's feeling so her clarifying what she wants instead of blocking me without me even confronting me directly, is a bit much.
Really, she didn't even tell me she was blocking me, I only noticed it when I had written a response to ask what she's saying and it wouldn't get sent. I had to google to see what it means since it's never happened to me before.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trippin2.0
My advice?
You're not doing yourself any favors by driving yourself absolutely batty over this situation.
There's absolutely nothing you can actually do about any of this right now, obsessing and ruminating is not helping you in any way, shape or form. So try and distract yourself as best you can, fill your time as much as possible (not with FB stalking) and don't forget to self soothe, its imperative while experiencing such levels of distress.
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I said it before, my friend has a family, she has other friends and her family is supportive. I have nothing, my mother isn't capable of being emotionally supportive and I don't have close friends, I have no one to really talk to. I have nothing except for this thread on this forum, that's all.
On top of it, I'm really struggling with loneliness. I've never had a partner, I don't even know what a kiss feels like and I've never had fulfilling friendships. I'm going to be 30 so that's a long time to be without any human comfort. My mom's a great person but she's unhappy and stressed and doesn't really understand me although she means well so she ends up making things worse because my sadness makes her lose her temper. So our relationship is weird. The closest thing to physical comfort I had in the past...years, is 3 hugs from a person I met twice in my life because I admire her and her husband's theatre work. So it was just hello and goodbye hugs yet because that woman is such an incredibly warm,nice person, that was somewhat soothing to me. Other than that, there's a hug here and there from my mom but because of our relationship I can't really be comfortable with them. I'm so lonely and it's like no one even understands that these needs are real and it's extreme to be so long without any meaningful contact and intimacy. And I fear no one will ever love me because of how I look.
So how can I soothe myself when it's all I've been doing for my entire life. I've soothed myself, all alone as my father was wasting away in hospital and when he died and I've soothed myself through every other abandonment and unrequited love and painful, harrowing loneliness. My needs never matter in the end and somehow I'm guilty for having them. I'm always so kind and I try my best but even when I feel there's maybe someone who can show me a bit of compassion and who can see me as I am and connect with me, it gets snatched away and I'm supposed to just keep going as always. I'm supposed to be in an amateur theatre play on Monday and I've had rehearsals all week, I've ridden my bike and watched tv shows but I'm in pain all the time, not sad but just so lonely it's like torture and feeling so abandoned.
Of course I'll forgive her if she comes back and explains to me why she did what she did. But she shouldn't have done it or at least she could have said she's blocking me only temporarily, but she didn't even say that. In the end, maybe I don't deserve love, maybe not all people who need some patience and compassion and a little support deserve love. But I didn't choose to be alive and like this, just like I didn't choose to be gender nonconforming and thus entirely to undesirable to hope to not grow old without experiencing love.