Hi nikki

Welcome to PC
I may be wrong, but I'm kind of reading it as a feeling of not "fitting in" anywhere.......or a feeling of blankness/a gap where there should be something........or a feeling of self doubt..........or a feeling a lack of personal meaning.........or a feeling of futility.........or feeling there's nothing to "drive" you.........or a feeling of something being missing...........
But I know that there will be people on here who can/will identify with at least some of what you're going through, and that can be just a start of connecting with people, of feeling less alone..........
So please try not to bottle up the way you're feeling on here, there really are a lot of very empathetic and supportive people on here.........and it can sometimes help to share with people.........

And.......again..........welcome to PC

Alison