This is an interesting and complex topic.

I think when relationships are good, we are mostly unguarded and transparent. As in transparency about current thoughts and important matters, like finances, health issues, upcoming work/personal commitments. There is no need to be transparent about the past if it is totally in the past. H and I have always spent nearly all of our time together. In the Air Force, we drove to work together, ate lunch together, at one of the bases we were stationed at--the Finance and Personnel Office were in the same building--my office was 2 doorways away from his! When we got out, we had many jobs where we have worked at home. So there have never been many places to hide. He even wants to go to the store with me!

Sometimes harboring a secret we are ashamed of can make us mentally ill or destroy a relationship. I did always feel very guilty when I was dating more than one person. Once my husband (this was before we married) asked me to stop seeing other people, I never did this sort of thing again. Actually, it was a relief, the dating scene was stressing me out!

It can be hard to be intimate with judgemental people. There were times when my mother did look through my things--I try not to do that sort of thing.