Dear now-xT, you sent me an email saying to let you know when I'm next available.

I'm not even going to respond. I'm angry as all hell at you, but the good thing is, I am not conflicted. I'm not torn in two by the frightened little girl in me who is so desperate for safety that I need to go back to you, just to feel OK in the world, regardless of whether you are taking proper care of me or not.

Transference, much. But also based on a heavy dose of reality. Yes, my feelings are disproportionately strong, but what you've done is something to be angry, upset and hurt by.

So I am doing everything I can to take care of that scared part of me that struggles to feel valued enough for self care, self love and self acceptance, and once I am though this really tough patch (I am working my way out) I will re-think how I feel again.

I truly wish it wasn't this way - I wish that so badly. But I have to work hard to stay with reality and not try to turn you in to the 'good' caregiver. I'm very good at doing that - ignoring the signs that are right in front of me or the feelings inside of me, and making that person the caregiver I need, in my head.