Hi unfelt,
I know exactly how you feel. I was also homeschooled from a young age. I grew up with no friends, nobody wanted wanted to be because of the crazy religious beliefs my parents instillled in me. I also grew up with a lot of needs, my parents had financial problems. And somehow all those these got together to make me live a very sheltered life. I am currently 26. Never had a job, haven't been to college, although I hope I will be able to attend this year. Lately, all these things have tormented me, making me feel very useless as a human being. I just can't fathom how I let myself be 26 years old, locked in an apartment doing nothing.
I know exactly what you mean when you say that you lack personality and only like what your family says you should like. I feel the same way to. Like I haven't been given the space to decide for myself what I like and don't like, specially coming from a religious background
Anyway, you are not alone in this. I understand what you are going through. Maybe we can use this platform and encourage each other, come out of our bubble.
Quote:
Originally Posted by unfelt
Hello, this is the first time I use a social website/forum, but I thought maybe I should complain, and tell my story to random strangers who I will never meet in the real world, since I have no one in my life who I can talk to. I am from a country that you probably don't know about, but that's not the point. I have been a very lonely person since ever. I lived with both of my parents, which they were overprotective, so I've never went to a physical school (I was homeschooled) I didn't really get the chance to interact with other people. The only people I knew where my relatives, neighbours, and my parents' friends. My brother was my only friend, but now he's dead. And because I rarely got out, I've became completely dependent as an adult. I had this feeling of entitlement. And I also couldn't go anywhere without my mother. I am 23 now, and I've never had a job. I've realised how lonely I am the other day when I finally got out of house (I haven't got out of my house since 2013, I am not exaggerating) but anyway, when I got out I've seen these people, all happy and friendly... I felt absolutely angry at them. Which made me remember that my parents actually paid these workers when I was a child, they paid them to have their child become my "friend." Seeing people having fun with their friends made me feel anger, envy, and loneliness... I want a friend, how can I get a friend? I always felt empty, numb, and such. I didn't know why I felt this way, I also thought that I never needed friends... But when I saw these people laughing with their friends, it made me realise that my parents actually ruined my life. They ruined me.
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