Sorry, but I think the whole “boundaries” thing is a crock.

The important thing is a sense of self, an authentic ego, a psychological skin. And when one has that it comes with a sense of . . .well, boundary – my feelings, wants, and wishes are mine and yours are yours, and I have a sense of where I begin/end and that I don’t have to do what you want, need, etc., although I can pay attention to that when I pick up on it and can do something about it IF I want to.

I don’t have any credentials but I researched a lot about that, partly because I was interested, and then later because I became aware that I did not have a functioning authentic sense of self and I could intellectually/cognitively tell that I was shot in trying to live my life without one. Very desperate situation, so – true to my temperament and adaptation – I did a lot of research.

It’s great if some people have had experiences in therapy that have led to their enjoying and participating in life in ways that they never could have dreamed of without it.

My experience has been somewhat different.

But I used Heinz Kohut’s ideas from his book “Restoration of the Self” to try to generate a sense of self where mine had been lacking, and I can now “feel” my ego, boundary, like a bubble around me. Previously I “lived” underground in a concrete bunker. . .that was what I had instead of a flexible, translucent “skin”.

I understand that this post will leave most people cold, thinking “huh” if anything at all.

We need a science of the ego, folks! Heinz Kohut started it, his ideas could be tested if anybody in psychology had some curiosity and a bent toward “real” science.

I’m taking some classes in theoretical physics for the general public by a retired professor of theoretical physics. What physics has shown by theory and experimentation is that “color” doesn’t exist “out there”, and neither does space and time.

But people need a sense of who we are in relation to others in order to function well!
I sure wish somebody would try to do some research and creative theorizing about that!!

I’m almost 70 and so. . .don’t have the time to do it myself. I DID try. All the coursework for a Ph.D in psychology but . . .long story.

Nobody talked about “boundaries” in life or in psychotherapy 50 years ago. It’s a current fad, like so much of psychology. It’s really, truly too bad.