I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. I have felt that way. It's good that you are staying alive for your sons. I was diagnosed shortly after my child was born and I promised her at that time that I would stay alive and pour all my love into her. That promise has from time to time been almost impossible to keep. Almost. Your mother's death could be having a great impact on you. When my dad passed, I flat out had a nervous breakdown and we didn't even get along (I did love him dearly but he was a very angry man).

You're not alone. I hope you start feeling better soon. Hugs coming your way.