Quote:
Originally Posted by here today
Sorry, but I think the whole “boundaries” thing is a crock.
The important thing is a sense of self, an authentic ego, a psychological skin. And when one has that it comes with a sense of . . .well, boundary – my feelings, wants, and wishes are mine and yours are yours, and I have a sense of where I begin/end and that I don’t have to do what you want, need, etc., although I can pay attention to that when I pick up on it and can do something about it IF I want to.
...
Nobody talked about “boundaries” in life or in psychotherapy 50 years ago. It’s a current fad, like so much of psychology. It’s really, truly too bad.
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My T does talk about boundaries fairly often and it's often been confusing to me. Thank you so very much for framing it this way--it makes so much more sense to me now! Boundaries are not something one just "puts" out there, installs, or instills...they are a natural outcome of having a good sense of self, of where I leave off and he begins (which is, admittedly, a huge problem with me).
It helps for me to reframe the "boundary" as simply the behaviors that don't intrude on his sense of self or mine (or what ought to be mine).
This was extremely helpful and I think you're right that all this attention to boundaries is obscuring the underlying issue which is so much more important.