I see at least one member here working so hard to figure out a way to give their insider what they wants .... a mommy.

I thought we could help them. not being a mommy for this alter, that would be too dangerous. I mean what if those of us who would like to be their "mommy" decided to take a break from psych central or leave permanently for what ever reasons. there we have left a member in the same boat that they are trying to solve... abandonment, anger, feeling abused/ taken advantage of... not to mention how do we .....really.... know each other. its online. we know each other by the words we type. we have no idea how or who each other are off line. heck even our avatars and pics could be not really us, the way the internet is.. on top of that what kind of psychological damage could our well intentioned "be a mommy for real" for someone's alters that we dont really know in real life will do to someone. For all we know we could be going against that persons own treatment providers trying to get a member to mature and take care of their self...

All that considered I thought maybe a thread about how we each " mother" ourselves and how those we know have "mothered" their self would come in handy.

I have discovered both in me and in those I work for/ with sometimes searching for a mother figure doesnt solve the yearnings of an alter. in me I actually did find someone who was willing to be an alters mother... my wife sandy. this was before we were married. unfortunately this "mother" idea did not pan out. why? because it was my alters sense of agency. it was her job, purpose, reason for being created, it was her control factor, it was everything that made up who and what this alter was... to yearn for a mother. nothing short of integration was going to change this alters yearning, crying, wanting a mother.

well when my idea of finding a mother for this alter ended up in a major failure and caused even more psychological damage. My treatment provider and I turned to something else. We decided to help this alter with in her sense of agency.

We found some dolls, not just any dolls my therapist when talking with the alter in question, she would ask her leading questions like what do you look like, what do you like to do, what kinds of toys do you like....I was not co conscious with this alter so I was unable to find out this information on my own from the alter.

After we had everything we needed from this alter we went on a shopping spree. we bought dolls of different sizes and ages/ developmental stages. we bought toy food items, we bought a package of new born pampers and a few real childrens outfits, we bought a toy stroller....everything that this alter would possibly need,

Then during therapy (to get the ball rolling) the therapist and alter played mommy where the alter would show using everything what she would like from a mommy. then this "play therapy" turned course to where the alter took on the roll of "mommy" first being the mom with the dolls and equipment then with herself.

my point we could not supply this alter with a mommy but we were able to use this alters own sense of agency to teach this alter how to mommy herself. it didnt stop her yearning for a mommy because thats who and what she was, but she now had a way to take care of that on her own.

sometimes when on the rare occasion this alters yearning for a mommy filtered through to me I would do what I felt a mommy would do... I would cook something to eat, pour a cup of juice, get a blanket and wrap it around me and turn on the tv. I also had a weighted neck pillow that I would drape around my neck / shoulders to simulate someones arm around me...

Anyone else that may need this...

I hope this has helped and hopefully other members too with add their own "mothering" techniques that have worked for them.

general question to get the thread started ...

what do you do when you feel you or your alters need a mother, or otherwise want someone to take care of you?