i believe you're correct in thinking it's wrong... he should bring the issue directly to you for one on one discussion... during the talks you may want others opinions... that should be allowed, but only after the two of you have had face to face...

again, i believe its important you not lose YOUR sense of place...

it sounds as if the situation is in a point of upheaval, reaching a boiling point for you.. him? does he appear content? you are putting this before him to deal... is he mature enough?

if there is a huge gap between understanding... counselor is suggested... its not easy and both may experience extreme discomfort... but just going exhibits true desire to repair.. its never to late to repair...

if he is abusive... physically, different story...

hope you'll feel better