I am okayish.
Sitting here in the car quietly dreading my imminent pdoc appt. hoping for some grand idea that he has not yet presented to me to help wthe th this depressoN. But preparing for disappointment and condescension and feelings of anger and frustration.

I have stoppped believing in all of this crap I think. I am like an atheist who keeps going to church- I take communion and sit and stand and speak as commanded, but I am just going through the motions. I take the meds and go to the appts but I don't think I really believe in all this medicating and psychiatry and medicalization of psychic pain anymore...

I think I am just tired and depressed and trying to brace myself for the reality that I am out there of medication options to keep these lows away. ****iing soul sucking depression
At least I have a little more energy than last week, tho no more motivation.

Anyway- wish me luck. I am full of angst and feel nausea in preparation of seeing my mental health care provider which I think says it all...