*actually sent**
Morning Dr. S,

Not such a good morning today. You are not here to wipe away my tears. You don't do that anyway [a little bitter/sadness and understanding as to why]. Progress is being made as the aches and pains are much less than they were 2 wks ago and I did not take narcotics last night (took naltrexone instead). Still, this morning, I want to be nurtured by you. I want to rest my head in your lap, feel you stroke my head and rub my back, and hear words that this too will pass. I know it will.

How am I to ask these things of my wife when she just got up so mad at the pets for waking her up that she was yelling at them? How do I ask for a want/need when it is clear that she has her own? In fact, I had typed up the first paragraph as a post to the forums, to try to release the desire to talk to you out into the ether when she got up and yelled at the pets. I thought I would send it to you after all because the dogs were quiet and I realized the connection to my Dad here, and then one of the dogs decided to get vocal. Before I could set it aside and take care of the dogs, she was up "yelling" some more about how she was up and not going to get more sleep. She would take care of the dogs. She is now walking around... almost would say stomping, but I feel that might just be my take on it. I don't think it is good that I experience this with her and yeah it is an ongoing thing and causes me to cringe... her wanting to do something with the dogs... take them with us somewhere and then she ends up yelling at them a significant amount of the time.

I miss you even more now than when I first got up at 5am.

Love,
me