Hi Innermost,
Great to see/hear from you. What put me here was that I forgot that my life is valuable and tried to prove that it isn't. I hope that is gentle enough without being flagged. There are lots of reasons behind what happened, of course.
The current parameters through the weekend are a bandaid with another meeting on Monday, and I am talking with my therapist daily. I am not seeking a way around, I am truly hoping that mentally I will fall in line enough to resume life as normal.
And yes, I think I do want a backup plan of looking like I am complying because I very much fear that I will not be well enough to stay at home as of Monday. Again today my therapist said that she still believes that the hospital is the best choice for me-fortunately it is not her decision, it is that of the pdoc.
The bottom line is that they all want me to stay safe. I understand this, and I believe that I am safe, but for some reason they don't-maybe that's the biggest problem, those are the expectations that are so clear to everyone and should be clear to me.

Thanks for checking in Innermost and posing some thoughtful questions.

Bluemountains